CANADIAN: CITIZENSHIP TEST, FUN FACTS, FOLLY
A Friend of mine in 2002 was applying for Canadian Citizenship. I am a long
term Canadian, I am also a nice guy, so I started creating my own test for
Canadian Citizenship at the time. I told him it was to help him prepare for the
test. (He did pass the official test, I'm convinced my practise test was a
significant assistance to him.) Here's the 2002 Canadian Citizenship Practice test.
For 2 points: Name the Prime ministers of Canada - the Eastern
Canada one, and the Western Canada one. Answer: Cretien
(East) Harper (West)
For 52+11 points: How many stars will there be on "our" flag
when we join the U.S.A."? Answer:
61 - Ontario and Quebec won't be coming to the party.
For 0 or -1 points: Name 1 IMPORTANT difference between us and
US. Answer: No points if you draw a blank on this one. 1 point deducted
for lying if you put anything down. (Listen to the "I am Canadian" rant -
you will see there isn't even one significant difference between us and US.
Albiet, a lot of meaningless differences.
For 2 points: Spell Liberal. (Don't worry, we will be liberal
in accepting all reasonable spellings.) Answer: Bonus
points if you capitalize the first L in Liberal, one point deducted if you
capitalized the second l.
For 1 point, name which State Canada is closest to. Answer:
Montana or...(When travelling in the US, I have been asked where I live, I said
Canada. They replied, Oh, that's next to ______ <-- fill in the blank with
one of the 13 Northern States.)
For 15 points (7 in Alberta): Name the Tax that Cretien
invented to, in his words, "Kill, Scrap, Destroy" the GST? Answer:
HST. 1500 Bonus points if you explain how the HST simplified the tax. Now
instead of a flat GST 7% tax plus 0% provincial in Alberta and PST provincial
in the other provinces. We have GST (mostly at 7%) in some, HST in 4 and a half
(Labrador) others (different rate in each), No PST in Alberta, Different rate
of PST for all other provinces except those with HST, different discount GST
rates for local government, schools, hospitals, natives in provinces with GST,
a different HST rate for each of them in provinces with HST, 0% GST on some
items. No GST on others (and yes the difference between 0% and No GST make a
true HUGE difference for the companies involved, because they can claim more
GST rebates if it is 0% GST, but they cannot claim them all if there is No GST)
now some items in some provinces have a varying HST depending partly on whether
the items in question used to be exempt from the PST, so you can have partial
HST, full HST, 0% HST, No HST - and yesssss... 0% vrs No HST makes a difference on the ITC calculation! And all of the above also varies depending on whether the SELLER
is a GST registrant or not most of the time, except when buying real estate,
then the it is whether the BUYER is a GST registrant. Oh, and normally the
Seller is responsible to collect and remit the GST and or HST except when
buying real estate when the Seller is responsible depending on the buyers
status, and if the buyer lies, then the seller must remit to the buyer and then
the buyer remit to the government and the seller recapture from the government,
except that - well, there is a 3 hour course I went to given by a Rev. Canada
official who explained that really even he didn't even understand all the
when's and whys and that each transaction should be reviewed by a panel at Rev.
Canada, and if later the panel is found to of erred, the Buyer and Seller are
still responsible for what should
have been done, not with Cretien's government told them to do. And within each
province, there may be one or more FNT (First Nations Taxes) that replace the
GST and/or HST, and the rules of application are always different from either
the GST or HST. And Cretien decided to introduce over 1000 special situation
other rules introduced to SIMPLIFY the tax!
For 1 point: Which is further South, the State of Oregon or
the Province of Ontario? Answer: See Interesting Facts below.
I admit, this is a pathetic attempt at a joke exam. Only 6 questions (I
learned how to count from Hedy Fry - see below if you don't get it), and only
one really funny one (Hint: #3 is the funny one).
If you have a suggestion to add to this list, do let me know, I will be happy to
consider it as long as it has the pretence of being funny and isn't crude.
(Jokes about our egomaniac/meglomaniac Cretien or the "Foot in Mouth" disease
MP Hedy Fry will be gratefully accepted.)
Interesting facts: And yes, the first set are all true in their essence:
The background on this page is a "faded" version of what was might have become the
Canadian flag. Personally, I think I like it better, but who knows, maybe if it
really was in front of me all the time, I'd prefer the real flag. But in the spirit
of this page ... Showing my favorite of the versions on the way to getting our current
flag somehow seems appropriate. And yes, like France and several other countries
that 'stole' the phrase from the Europeans who used it first, our flag would have
been called the 'Red White and Blue'.
I was born in Canada. So it's my parents fault, not mine.
Our Prime Minister, before being elected said, in a recorded conversation as a
campaign promise that he would "Kill, Scrap, Destroy the GST" (a 7% flat
tax on most Canadian goods sold within Canada) several years later, when people
questioned why the tax still existed he actually had the audacity to say
"but I never said I would remove it". To be fair, he renamed it HST (about
15%+) in a couple provinces (none of my companies sell to those provinces, just
the rest of Canada, US and the world) And the really funny part? Ontario
elected him again. So bold faced lying is now the official way to
win in Canadian politics...as opposed to the old method of subtle lies. I
guess Cretien learned his politics from Hitler: People will believe a bigger
lie more readily than a little lie. Tell big lies loud and often and the people
will believe them. (Hmmm... There must have been a lot of people yelling loudly
and often - "Cretien tells the truth").
Only Alberta is sales tax free (other than Cretiens "I will kill it" GST tax.)
All other provices either have a PST (Provincial Sales Tax) or have the HST
which more or less replaces the GST and PST but at a different rate in each
province (see also the answer to Question 6 on the exam.) Cretien did tell
us that the HST would SIMPLIFY things. Ah, yeah, right. (How many accounting
firms does Cretien own shares in I wonder?) -- 3 Cheers for Cretien "I will
Kill Scrap Destroy the GST", we can clearly see that his goal is to kill it by
creating a new much larger monster. How DO patalogical liars get elected as the
head of countries in North America? Which does that tell us more about: Us or
To be fair, the HST DID simplify things for MY company. I sell internationally,
to the US and to all provinces with GST. I do not, will not, sell to provinces
with HST. I am not willing to do the paper work to collect and remit the
confusing "simpler" tax. It is MUCH easier dealing with Americans.
An American Child once said to me "you speak very good English for a Canadian"
- she thought all Canadians speak French. I had to explain to her, 2/3rds of
Canadians speak English and the other 1/3rd speak a language known as
Quebecois. (People from
France have told me: it ISN'T French.)
In Canada we HAVE to learn French in school because 1/3 of our country speaks a
form of French and we should know how to talk to them. Here's the kicker, we
learn Parisian French in school, but most of the French in Canada speak
Quebecois French! OK, actually we have to have teachers try
to teach us French. Almost no one actually learns it. (My German friends in
Switzerland say that they have to take French in school, but as soon as they
get out, they forget it and learn English instead.)
Boston is further NORTH than Waterloo.
Ontario (the province) goes further South than Oregon. Seattle, Montana, Idaho,
North&South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, VT, NH, Maine or Alaska and
further North than any of them except Alaska. (But Canada goes further North
than Alaska, see Santa Clause, below.)
Detroit Michigan US is directly North of Windsor Ontario Canada
Hedy Fry (the MP that sticks her foot in her Mouth all the time), wished Canada
a happy 134th Birthday ... on Canada's 135th Birthday. In an ad right above
hers, were some quick facts that she should have read before she wished Canada
a happy 134th! What is REALLY funny, is the newspaper didn't correct it. I
guess they like seeing her make a fool out of herself time and time and time again. Other Hedy Fryisms include a big stink
in parliment about a small town in B.C. which had problems with burning crosses.
Turns out all her so called informants, including the mayor of Prince George, said
they never said anything like that and
even funnier, it turns out that the small amount of truth may have been about a
town in the US with a similar, but not identical, name. Other sources claim it was
a completely different town in B.C.. So, wrong people, wrong crime, wrong country.
Do a search on the internet to find lots of other funny Hedy Fryisms.
While travelling 1/2 way around the world someone hearing I was from Canada
told me they knew someone in Toronto and wondered if I'd know them. After
explaining that Toronto is 2200 miles from where I live and there are millions
of people that live in and around Toronto, and a million in my area, I was told
the person's name. And yes, I know him. <sigh>. Sing with me: It's a
small world af-ter all... it's a small world af-ter all ... it's a small,
In the 1990's a careful survey between Alaska & Yukon (that's in Canada)
was performed, they were trying to draw the borders more carefully. It turns
out one old trapper,
Frank, who "claimed" to be an American (even paid US
taxes) had been born and lived his whole life in Canada - he had never actually
set foot in the US. This caused many problems, for one, he had passed the age
where he could apply for American dual Citizenship. Plus he
owed over 50 years of back taxes, penalty and interest to Canada (and
because Canada's tax rates are much higher, well, you understand.) Not only
that, but his (dead) parents did too, and his inheritance was now in a mess.
After much deliberation (seriously - I'm not making this up) the US government granted him dual
citizenship, and (more significantly) Canada enventually decided
to waive all the back taxes penalty
and interest as long as he started paying Canadian taxes henceforth. He didn't
even have to pay 'back property taxes' and he got to keep everything from his
parents "estate"! Last I heard, he had never yet been to the US - it was too
far for him to go up there in the Yukon ice and snow. Welcome to Canada Frank!
Santa Clause lives in Canada (The North Pole is in Canada). Rumor has it he is
severely delinquent on paying his taxes. This is even worse than Frank since Santa Clause
is obviously aware that he lives in Canada. He also refuses to pay GST, HST, Property
and School taxes and he exports goods illegally, not paying duties and taxes
in the countries he gives away his gifts. Note: Children in countries outside of
Canada - check with your government, you probably are required to "self assess"
and pay the taxes on gifts
received from Santa Clause, just like you would on any
gift over a certain dollar amount that comes from a foriegn location. You should do this sooner rather than later,organizations like the IRS
can be very aggressive at collecting taxes due to them.
You can write to Santa Clause at "Santa Clause, North Pole, H0H 0H0, CANADA"
and you WILL get a response. (Canada Post volunteers reply.) When one child
wrote pages and pages of requests, the reply came back from Santa Clause "you
are a very greedy child." Believe it or not, the volunteer was fired from his
day job because of his politically incorrect reply. So what happened to the
part of the story where Santa Clause leaves a lump of coal? Have we sanatized
even Santa Clause so that, (sing:)"You needn't watch out, you can cry all you
want, you can pout now, I'm telling you why - Santa Clause is toeing the Liberal line
" and if he gives you a lump of coal, the government will fire him and levy
back taxes: income, corporate and property + penalties & interest.
Interesting near-facts: (They are fairly true or could have been true but
probably aren't completely)
Did you know, all the famous Canadians live in or move to the US? (Ie William
Or was it all the smart
Canadians move to the US?
A child wrote to God a letter requesting $100 to help his ailing parents and
posted it. The post office didn't know what to do so they sent it to Prime
Minister Cretien. Cretien was touched by the child's request so he sent the
letter back with a loonie (that's $1, or $0.61US) in it. A little while later
the child wrote to God again, this time the letter read: "Dear God, please send
$99 more dollars. And this time don't send it through the Government, they took
$99 in taxes last time.