The following are all true newspaper headlines or news cast quotes.
- British left waffles on Falkland Islands
- Clinton wins budget; more lies ahead
- Couple slain; Police suspect Homicide
- Drunks get nine months in violin case
- If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
- Include your children when baking cookies
- Iraqi head seeks arms
- Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
- Kids make nutritious snacks
- Local High School dropout cut in half.
- Man struck by lightning faces battery charge
- Miners refuse to work after death
- New study of obesity looks for larger test group
- Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
- Plane does not crash until it hits ground expert explains
- Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
- Something went wrong in Jet crash, experts say
- Stolen painting found by tree
- Teacher strikes idle kids
- The man was either shot by someone else, shot himself or was shot by accident, say investigator at scene of shooting crime
- Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
- War dims hope for peace
- “Photos By Madman” takes top honors (Ok, so it isn't funny, but it is a real newspaper headline so I decided to throw it in here)
- And here's one from an instruction manual for a hammock: May require people to assemble not to exceed 400 lbs.